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Romance Novelist Dr. Diana Gives Advice on Relationships
Interviews with Irene Watson, Managing Editor of Reader Views, and Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of “Opening Love’s Door: The Seven Lessons.”
Irene: Reader Views is happy to have Dr. Diana Kirschner with us today. Dr. Kirschner is a psychologist and author of “Opening Love’s Door: The Seven Lessons” a love journey that offers insightful relationship advice and seven life-changing lessons. The book is growing fast: female readers and even male readers have been giving five-star reviews.
Welcome Dr. Diana.
Irene: What inspired you to write a book considering that the other books you have written were non-fiction?
Diana: This book came as a gift to me—the story, the characters, the magic all came to mind. And writing Love’s Opening Door helped me digest the many lessons I’ve learned, the healing experiences that have brought love and joy into my life. I was the fifth child born to old Sicilian parents who did not respect girls. Right after I was born, my father didn’t come to the hospital to see me—after all, I was a loser, a girl. So growing up I was withdrawn, shy, quiet, had few friends and was miserable. But I had a magical healing experience with a wise man, who became like a biological father to me. He was my magic god. And he taught me great secrets about how to find love, alone and with a significant other – and how to help my clients create love and happiness. This is the person that Raphaela Love, the magical artist in Opening Love’s Door is from.
Irene: So the lessons in this book have changed your life?
Diana: Yes. My first lesson was to use my fear as a fulcrum for growth. I forced myself to come out of my shell, to force myself to speak, to speak to people, first individually and then to larger and larger groups. I went to graduate school for psychology, which I found very difficult and challenging, but I pushed myself to finish. Finally I was on Oprah, Good Morning America with Sally Jesse Raphael as a guest expert. The fear nearly killed me on the way. But I became free. In the first lesson of the book, Janna, the hero, learns that Fear illuminates the path to success, that is, the thing you fear is the thing you have to fight against.
Irene: I believe that one lesson has helped many people.
Diana: It’s amazing. You can use your fear to propel you into action – to help you jump off the board and into the places you need to go. I get a lot of amazing emails about this. One person was agoraphobic. He was afraid to leave the house and closed the windows. After reading Opening the Door to Love, she is not only out, she is in a relationship with three men. A woman stood up to her husband whom she thought she trusted and asked him to apologize for speaking insultingly to her. And an officer who was afraid to pull the plug on a big job, started the job and ended up with a big bonus. When you face your inner and outer demons, you swallow them and they give you strength.
Irene: You encourage meeting people who have wronged you. Janna, a character in your book, met her uncle who had abused her since she was ten years old. Why do you feel that you are dealing with the past and moving forward with life is a necessary process?
Diana: The past becomes your future if you don’t deal with it. You have to fight your inner and outer demons. You need to feel what needs to be felt, whether it’s anger, sadness or grief and say what needs to be said to let go of their past issues and feelings. Then you can be free to create the person you want to be.
Irene: Your book, The Open Door to Love, talks about the seven secrets to creating love and happiness in one’s life. Of the seven, which one is the most important?
Diana: You can go home again, that’s the most important thing. This is a method that has changed my life and thousands of others. What I’m talking about is finding a godmother, or godfather, who is a mentor who gives you positive, positive experiences that you’ve missed. As Raphaela Love says, you can heal the wounds of childhood and create the life you’ve always dreamed of, if you create strong healing relationships.
Irene: But all the other self-help books talk about how you can’t rely on other people to give you what you want—you have to do it yourself, right?
Diana: Yes. And on one level it is true. But you can travel much faster on the road to love by finding someone who is like a magic god to give you what you need as you grow up. The support of a dedicated mother/father makes the ‘impossible’ possible in a world of love.
Irene : So what?
Diana: Think about what you missed when you were a child. Unconditional love? Love? Advice? Believing in yourself and supporting your dreams? Pushing back? Then find people who love you who love you and live life, people you admire. Good aunts, stepparents, healers, counselors, pastors or rabbis can belong to a god/father figure. Choose one, build a relationship and ask for the tender or intense care you need. Try to see yourself as they see you: as someone with poetry in their life, someone important, loved and beautiful. This selfishness will pay off in your love life. In my Amazon guide, The Guide to Finding the Love You Want, which is a helpful e-workbook for opening the door to love, I explain how to go about finding such a mentor.
Irene: Raphaela Love is an interesting person. Where did you get that name?
Diana: I was reading about the angel Rafael, who is the angel of healing. It is called shiny. And I just saw this vision of the female Raphael, Raphaela Love, a person who has magical healing but at the same time is a normal person.
Irene: The second lesson in Opening the Door to Love is When you face death, love blossoms. Tell us about it.
Diana: Our biggest concern and our main teacher is the fear of isolation, of being left behind. This fear of being alone is what we must do. Otherwise, we touch other people’s fingers, offering ourselves to cling to them, to touch them. This leads us to abusive or destructive relationships. We have to push ourselves to get what we want, even if it means losing someone else. At that very moment we love ourselves. And often because of that strength, the other person straightens up and becomes more loving. Recently, I had a case where a woman who had a boyfriend thought that he would leave her if he didn’t change. He immediately asked her to marry him. When you lose hope, love grows.
Irene: The third lesson in Opening the Door of Love is The Divine Awaiting Your Calling Every Day. Tell us more about it.
Diana: A spiritual connection is always with us. All we have to do is practice spiritual practice. This may include praying, reading spiritual books, practicing yoga, or attending the 12 steps. The purpose of spiritual practices is to create a connection with everything that surrounds you, whether you call him God, Nature or your Higher Power when you meet him/her. When you feel that connection all the time, you will feel less alone and less needed. You will never be desperate for love. You will be a “piece of divinity,” a peaceful village. Therefore, I encourage some kind of spiritual activity every day, even if it is only for fifteen minutes. Do it for a week and see the difference!
Irene: In Opening the Door to Love, Janna, the heroine, learns about a spiritual practice called being-in-the-moment. How do you do that?
Diana: Being-in-the-moment is an outward-facing meditation that’s easy, fun and effortless. Think of the Japanese tea ceremony, where the tea is placed in the cups, the tea is poured, the tea is slowly sweetened, where every action is done with peace, purpose and grace. For 15 minutes every day, spend time walking in minutes. Use all your attention. First focus your attention on things you can’t see, such as a pipe, asphalt, blades of grass or a puddle of water. Walk slowly and carefully, focusing your attention on one thing near you and when you pass it, leave it and choose something else. Find out what you love so much that you have one. Gradually, you step out of the conversation that clutters your consciousness and into the present fully. You are also in touch with All-that-is. When this happens, you realize that you are not alone. You will be happy, bright and beautiful.
Irene: It seems that many people who read your book fail to put it down when they start reading it. What do you think makes them tick?
Diana: I think it’s because he looks so much like the main character, and he seems to be interested in what happens to him. And there are many twists and turns in the story.
Irene: Opening the Door to Love is becoming a cult like The Celestine Prophecy. After it was published it made it to the Amazon Buzz list and stayed there for several weeks. People have taken to the book in droves, using it in book clubs and buying ten copies at a time to give to friends. They say it speaks to them deeply about love and life.
Diana: I have been blessed to learn so much from many of my clients over the years and their teachings.
Irene: Thank you for your time Dr. Diana. Is there anything you would like to add to this discussion that would be of interest to our audience?
Diana: People can visit my website, http://www.openinglovesdoor.com for more information, articles, and computer guides.
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